Wednesday, November 23, 2005

You Might be a Paedobaptist

Justin alerted me to this joke, and I thought I would share it (plus it proves that I am still alive in some form or another). Enjoy!

You might be A Paedobaptist (James) if . . .

1. You've got a big bushy beard in honor of R. L. Dabney. (Well... You try to anyway...)

2. You can spell supralapsrian , suprlapsarian, suralapsrian, supralapsarian.

3. When asked to name the twelve apostles you say Matthew, John, James, Andrew, Peter, Nathaniel, Phillip, Simon, Thomas, Augustine, Luther and Calvin.

4. You used to be a Baptist. (Sadly, not James either...)

5. You started drinking ("in moderation" of course) after you left the Baptist church and became a Presbyterian. (Not James yet...)

6. You always use the word "covenant" as in our "covenant family", our "covenant children", our "covenant community", our "covenant church", etc.

7. When the spirit comes upon you in power, you don't raise your hands and shout Hallelujuah, rather you scratch your chin, turn to your neighbor and whisper "hmmm, . . . that was a good point."

8. You think fencing has something to do with the Lord's Supper instead of swords.

9. You've considered church discipline for people who watch the Premiership on Sunday afternoon.

10. When someone asks you a question about the Bible, you answer, "Well, the confession says . . . " or "the catechism says . . . "

11. Charles Spurgeon is just a little too Arminian for your blood.

12. They aren't "catholics," or even "Roman Catholics." They're "Romanists," or "Papists."

13. You secretly suspect that John Calvin was a liberal because of his compromise on the Sabbath issue.

14. You know the meaning of most or all of the following - PCA, PCUS, PCUSA, PC(USA), PC(U.S.A.), PCUSA(NS), PCUSA(OS), RPCES, RPCNA-GS, RPCNA, EPC, OPC, ARP, NAPARC, CRC, RCA, BPC, BPC-Collingswood, BPC-Columbus, CPC, TE, RE, WCF, WLC, WSC, BCO, UPC, UPCNA, UPCUSA, NPC,

15. You know, or think you know, the difference between "calvinist" and "reformed."

16. You think the phrase "chosen frozen" is a compliment.

You Might Be a Baptist if . . .

1. Your tie stops an inch above your navel.

2. You consider fried chicken to be the gospel bird. (I think this is American...?)

3. You are very sure that the so-called "wine" in the Bible was unfermented grape juice.

4. When someone asks you what you would be if you weren't a Baptist, you say "I'd be ashamed!!!"

5. You think sword drills have something to do with the Bible and not with fencing.

6. There are really only two "true" first names in the world - "brother" or "sister."

7. Yours is the oldest and most Biblical denomination of all. After all, it was founded by John the Baptist.


JD said...

I don't think I get the brother-sister one. you get that Keith?

oldbits said...

It's funny that you can sometimes find nuggets of truth in exaggerated stereotypes (especially in your own persona). Here's a variation of this joke.

You might be a TR if...

Keith said...

Justin, I guess you just have to be a recovering Baptist to get that one (even thought I think it is more of a Southern/rural practice than other areas). It is common for Baptist's to call other Christians by Brother so and so or Sister so and so.
All in all, being reformed, I really liked the whole paedobaptist side. It was scary how true some of them are for me, even if I can't figure out all the initials.

Anonymous said...
hey keith, check this guy's blog out. He spoke at IV a while back, that's how I am acquanited with him. I think you and he would get along good... he just had a post entitled the same as this one, too... (totally different though, as it is more of a serious dicussion) anyways, just check him out, he is in the area...